shattered

I sit here alone
Thinking to myself and feeling cold
Guess that something has gone wrong
I blame myself
I should have known it all along
There will be none for me
No Love, only loneliness
It's all I can see
All too clearly through
Love could have grown
But I'm left to stand alone
My own foe
Where else to go
I dont really know
Nowhere to take my pain to
I realize the strength of hate is true
Rebuilding again
Prepare myself in the end
Of the hope I held on to
A fool again
Love will never ever be my friend
Why can I not comprehend?
I always give in
My only sin
Wronging myself and
Dealing with the pain...
My faults wont ever be tame
All over, I'm standing so alone
I am to blame
For having no shame
Love isn't real, it never was
It never will be
What is the cause
The denying of all that was
Although it never existed
You knew I couldn't resist it
So you've lied once more
Just like before
Even though I scream out loudly
The echoes of emptiness
Return back unto me
What do I do now?
Except to find a way of how
I'll be letting go
Of the love you never let me know
What is the price I'll have to pay
To feel truly loved
For at least just one day
Now I lay shattered
But to you it never really mattered. --- Abel Aguilar Jr. R.I.P.

Dee

    Well to start of if yall didnt know my step-dad has a virus in the right side of his brain and basicly he has to teach his whole left side what to do again. The virus is non curable and will have to take medication for the rest of his life. It is a common virus the doctors said but im really for sure what it is nor does my mom know. For awhile he had even lost his memory and when we went to Kyle, Texas (16 miles south of Austin) he kinda remembered us but was still a little confused. Im just glad he remembers us now.
     Well I wnated to write this because sometimes we complain about the littlest things in life that we forget that bigger problems are still out there. Like me for an example I complaind about taking out the trash... Like really my grandmother had breast cancer and never complaind. My step-dad has that virus has never complaind (all he wanted to do was go home) ya he was sad but never did he say anything negitive.
     Im going to tell a short version of a story that happend early last summer. My step-dad, my mom, and some of they friends were drinking one night and they were drinking. My step-dad and mom got into an argument and my mom took of to there friends house and my step-dad started walking off somewhere. My mom called me and told me not to open the door for him if he came by. Well I fell asleep and work up and heard music playing... my step-dad somehow got in the house. I called my mom and she picked us (my brother and I) up and took us to her friends house. Maybe an 30 mins. later I decieded that im going back to my house to talk to him ( I forgot to add that he was trying to commit suicide bc he thought nobody wanted him here with us). So my mom took me home ( Now if you know me Im a quite guy one that does not speak around people unless I actully have to) to talk with him. I told him to open the door which he did and I just started to talk to him. To finish the story I talked im out of overdosing on insulin.
     Now this might not be an average Step-dad Step-son relationship but to me its different. Hes been around use I wanna say three years and I learned so much from him. Im not degrading my dad at all. I love my dad and respect him. This is why its so hard for me to write about this bc I care about him and to see him like this is just shameful. I would put myself in his position just to have his old ways  back. Ya we might have fought alot but its bc we were so alike... wanting to take care of the family. (I had to be the man of the house when my mom and dad divorced.) But I also know that he wants me to be successful in my dreams and Im going to put everything I got just for that reason.
  Now I know this may mean nothing to yall but if it was just remember there is someone out there going through harder times than we may ever go though. This may not be the most perfect blog ever but it was how I felt.
         God Bless

First blog

Well my first Blog and I really dont know what to write about so im just going to write about random things.
      I guess first off im blogging because of Baron Batch. I was just reading some of his blogs and they just made me realize that just because you get rejected and told you cant do nothing with your life does not mean you cant try. So I just wanted to start a blog of my own.
     Now about me, Im 18 a student at South plains college and going to transfer to Texas Tech hopfully by next year. I LOVE sports. Basketball, Football, Baseball are the main one's in that order. Music is apart of my life as well. I help my best friend record his own music (Christian Rap/Hip-Hop.) I'm a pround christian and love to spread the word of my savior. umm... thats about it about me.
     Well got to get going to my Algebra class so until next time... GOD BLESS